Will I Know If I'm Ready?
Abby Dearest,
Hi, I'm Julia and I just got home from my boyfriend's house. I really liked him in the beginning but then he started kissing me all the time and I wasn’t sure that I was ready. He even pulled me down onto his bed with him and started making out with me. He also reached up my shirt and I definitely don't feel comfortable with that. I don't know how to tell him that I'm not comfortable, and I'm not even sure if I like him, but a lot of the time I do when I'm not dating someone else so I am almost sure that I will start to like him again as soon as I tell him that I'm not sure about it. Please tell me what to do, I just don't know my limits yet, and I'm only thirteen, I don't know if I'm ready to be making out with people yet.
Thanks,
Julia
Dear Julia,
If you feel unsure if you are ready then you are NOT ready:) "Maybe" means "No". When you feel all tingly and wonderful and want to have more kissing you'll know that you are ready:) Tell your boyfriend that things are moving too quickly into the physical realm and that it makes you feel uncomfortable. If he does not respect your wishes then dump him! You are only 13 and there's plenty of time for fooling around when you know for sure that you want to do so. Plus who would want to go out with a guy who doesn't care about how they feel? You do have to tell him your feelings because he may not have any idea that he is upsetting you. Happy Holidays and thanks for writing. Don't be afraid to tell him the truth!
Abby Travis
Cool School
Abby Dearest,
I'm a loser and I want to be one of the "cool" kids. How would I go about doing so?
signed,
MasterMonkeypen
Dear MasterMonkeypen,
OK- Here’s the first thing. Stop trying to be cool. The minute one strives for coolness they become instantly uncool. There’s nothing more annoying than one who tries too hard to be something that they are not. If “cool” is a state of being it has to come from within. You don’t say how old you are but I’m guessing you are fairly young as you refer to the other perceived “cool” people as kids. Here’s the thing. Fuck them! I was a totally unpopular kid in school and turned out just fine. Most great artists are not popular in their youth. Read “Death of A Salesman “ by Arthur Miller and focus on the character Biff. He’s the classic popular football star who turns out to be a big looser later in life but is redeemed at the end because he learns not to strive for some artificial external perception of success.
You will become cool when you have confidence in your self. What do you like and think is cool? Comic books? Music? Art? Skateboarding? It makes no difference- Figure out what activities you enjoy doing- Even if you do them alone and are lonely; and then spend your time doing the things you like. The more time you spend in the pursuit of inner happiness the cooler you will become- and I’m talking cool on a way more satisfying level than getting to be friends with a bunch of kids that may, or may not, be snobby exclusive clicky creeps in the first place.
Just be your self and be gracious to others when you have the opportunity. If they do not return your kindness then they are not worth your time. Fear not- You as as important as every other individual in the entire world- Just focus on your strengths and nurture them and you will be just fine. Find your own individual coolness- And when you do no one can take it away from you.
Best of luck and chin up!
Abby Travis |
